| New Hope Family Counseling Center Fall Newsletter Online Extras |
| 528 Stoughton Rd. Edgerton, WI 53534 Vol. 1, Issue 1 |
Coming In the
next newsletter:
Secrets of Happy
Couples Next 6 tips.
Parenting your teen
with less Stress!
Handling the
Holiday Stress and
still keeping your
Ho, Ho, Ho,
next newsletter:
Secrets of Happy
Couples Next 6 tips.
Parenting your teen
with less Stress!
Handling the
Holiday Stress and
still keeping your
Ho, Ho, Ho,
Home page of
New Hope Family Counseling Center
New Hope Family Counseling Center
| Myths about Stress Myth #1: Stress is the same for everybody. -This is completely wrong. Stress is different for each of us. What is stressful for one person may or may not be stressful for another. Each of us responds to stress in entirely different ways and our bodies may react just as differently to the stress.
severe headaches,while others experience stomach aches, neck strain, and even a decrease in the immune system. Some have called stress the silent killer because of the devastating impact it can have on our body. Myth #2: Stress is always bad for you. Some believe that zero stress makes us happy and healthy. WRONG. Stress has been described to the human condition what tension is to the violin string. In other words, there is healthy and unhealthy stress. Stress can be the kiss of death or the spice of life. The issue is really how to manage it. Healthy stress may involve an upcoming promotion, an examine at school, or excitement about a vacation. Unhealthy stress may be worrying about your health or relationships, fear over how you'll get your bills paid, or facing foreclosure on your home. Our bodies were not designed for prolonged exposure to chronic stressful situations. can't do anything about it. NOT SO! There are ways to plan your life so stress does not overwhelm you. Effective planning involves setting priorities and working on simple problems first, solving them, and then going on to more complex difficulties. It also involves putting into perspective the problems you face. "What if you don't get that promotion?" It won't be the end of the world. You won't die. It's doubtful that you'll go homeless etc.. We all need to be more realistic as to what actually counts in this life. Myth #4: The most popular techniques for reducing stress are the best ones. Again, not true. There is no universally effective stress reduction system that works for everyone. We are all different, our lives are different, our situations different, and our reactions are different. Only a comprehensive program tailored to the individual works. Myth #5: No symptoms = No Stress. Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Absence of symptoms does not mean the absence of stress. In fact, camouflaging symptoms with medication, alcohol, television, computer games, gambling etc., may deprive you of the signals you need for reducing the strain on your physiological and psychological systems. Myth #6: Only Major symptoms of stress require attention. This myth assumes that the 'minor' symptoms such as headaches or stomach acid, may be safely ignored. Minor symptoms of stress are the early warnings that your life it getting out of hand and that you need to learn better ways of handling the stress level your under. For more information on handling stress in health ways click here. |
This month we will review the first 6 tips to help you keep your relationship healthy! Tip #1 DEVELOP A PATTERN OF HAVING QUALITY TIME TOGETHER. Recently a couple came to me asking for help. They are both full time students, have a two y/o son, he works close to 40 hrs per week, and she does day care in their home, and they just bought a home. Their school schedules are such that only one is gone from their son at a time. In their first two years of marriage they had absolutely robbed themselves of any 'quality or fun time' that had made them fall in love in the first place. Some marriage experts state that for a relationship to strive and grow it requires at least 8 hrs per week of uninterrupted time. That would be great if everyone had that amount of time to give one another, but most likely you don't. Here are some helpful ideas if you're one of the millions who has a little less time on their hands currently. A. Make it a goal to connect with your partner at least 20m per day. This needs to be uninterrupted time. That means television off, newspapers down and kids at school or in bed. Then ask, "how are we doing today?" Use this time as a brief organizational meeting. Not necessarily as a time to talk about 'issues' that are bothering you. That comes at a different time. If you don't have 20 minutes of organizational talk that's great! Ask how each others day was or how does it look? What was the highlight, what if anything was encouraging. Ask if there is anything you might do to help in the upcoming days to lower each others stress? The important point is to connect, talk, and share your day to day experiences without arguing. |
| Facts you Need to know! What is Robotripping? Can my child obtain drugs over the internet? Does it really matter if we eat dinner together? |
TIP #2 EMPATHY AND ACCEPTANCE
People marry because they want to
spend the rest of their lives with their
partner. They have every hope of
growing together and creating a
relationship that makes them feel
emotionally healthy. Two factors
necessary for this to happen are
Empathy and Acceptance on the part of
both partners.
Empathy is the capacity to put oneself
in another's shoes and understand
how they view their reality, how they
feel about things.
Demonstrating empathy and
acceptance is critical to maintaining a
strong relationship. Renowned
marriage therapists and authors Les
and Lesille Parrott state that if they
could any gift to newly married couples
it would be an Empathy Pill that would
last them their lifetime towards each
other. It's that important!
Brief Couples Counseling Can Help You Learn the
Skills you need to be successful!
Call us at (877 2 New Hope)
Skills you need to be successful!
Call us at (877 2 New Hope)
| TIP #3 ACTIVE LISTENING -A MUST SKILL FOR EVERY RELATIONSHIP! Active listening is a way of communicating that creates the important climate of empathy, acceptance, and understanding. Active listening is a valuable skill because it demonstrates that you understand what your partner is saying and how he or she is feeling about it! Active listening does not mean agreement with the other person. The point is to demonstrate to your partner that you understand his or her point of view. This is good for your relationship for several reasons:
|
TIP #4 HAVE A DATE NIGHT
Time and time again this point comes
out in research studies on happy
successful marriages. Have a date
night once a week. Remember it
doesn't have to be Friday night
anymore. Take turns planning a
special evening out, but get out alone,
without kids, and have fun. Do you
remember the times you had before
you said "I do" or had children?
Rekindle some of the reasons you
continued to date after those first few
evenings.
WARNING: DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT
use this time to discuss problems or
issues. You WILL ruin it and may end
your partners willingness to go out.
Tip #5 will help if you are too tempted
to discuss what's been on your mind!
Time and time again this point comes
out in research studies on happy
successful marriages. Have a date
night once a week. Remember it
doesn't have to be Friday night
anymore. Take turns planning a
special evening out, but get out alone,
without kids, and have fun. Do you
remember the times you had before
you said "I do" or had children?
Rekindle some of the reasons you
continued to date after those first few
evenings.
WARNING: DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT
use this time to discuss problems or
issues. You WILL ruin it and may end
your partners willingness to go out.
Tip #5 will help if you are too tempted
to discuss what's been on your mind!
TIP #5 HAVE 'FENCED' IN TIME TO DISCUSS ISSUES
Successful couples keep their family life and date nights free of
conflict by having a specific time each week to discuss issues that
are on their mind. This should be no longer than 30 to 40 minutes.
This is the time you use your Active Listening skills and take your
Empathy pills. Begin with simple daily matters and work-up to the
more pressing issues. Realize most issues don't get resolved in a
night. Remember to speak for yourself, don't blame, and use I
statements. For example, "I feel frustrated when you don't come
home when you say you will." NOT "YOU'RE ALWAYS LATE, YOU
NEVER COME HOME ON TIME. This will only lead to more conflict,
disagreements and really miss the point that you are frustrated
and perhaps hurt by your partners lateness.
More on Improving your Communication Skills in the Next Six tips
next month!
Successful couples keep their family life and date nights free of
conflict by having a specific time each week to discuss issues that
are on their mind. This should be no longer than 30 to 40 minutes.
This is the time you use your Active Listening skills and take your
Empathy pills. Begin with simple daily matters and work-up to the
more pressing issues. Realize most issues don't get resolved in a
night. Remember to speak for yourself, don't blame, and use I
statements. For example, "I feel frustrated when you don't come
home when you say you will." NOT "YOU'RE ALWAYS LATE, YOU
NEVER COME HOME ON TIME. This will only lead to more conflict,
disagreements and really miss the point that you are frustrated
and perhaps hurt by your partners lateness.
More on Improving your Communication Skills in the Next Six tips
next month!
TIP #6 TAKE A TIME OUT IF THINGS GET
HEATED
If the discussion begins to get heated, one of
you call a time out. It helps if each of you have
agreed to using this skill ahead of time, but
decreasing the Escalation between the two of
you is critical!
Then whoever asks for the time out, and it
should be the person becoming the most
upset, let your partner when you'll be ready to
discuss this again. In other words, don't leave
them hanging.
During times of Escalation hurtful words are
said. Often couples won't even remember
what they fought about a week ago, but they
will remember the hurtful words their spouse
said to them.
Use the Time-Out to avoid these 'Verbal Darts."
Words can pierce like a sword. Avoid this at
all costs. Most arguments do not need to be
resolved right now. Allow each other to cool
down and come back to discuss it at an
agreed upon time. These will save your
relationship from countless painful
experiences!
HEATED
If the discussion begins to get heated, one of
you call a time out. It helps if each of you have
agreed to using this skill ahead of time, but
decreasing the Escalation between the two of
you is critical!
Then whoever asks for the time out, and it
should be the person becoming the most
upset, let your partner when you'll be ready to
discuss this again. In other words, don't leave
them hanging.
During times of Escalation hurtful words are
said. Often couples won't even remember
what they fought about a week ago, but they
will remember the hurtful words their spouse
said to them.
Use the Time-Out to avoid these 'Verbal Darts."
Words can pierce like a sword. Avoid this at
all costs. Most arguments do not need to be
resolved right now. Allow each other to cool
down and come back to discuss it at an
agreed upon time. These will save your
relationship from countless painful
experiences!
| Religious Faith combats teen drug use! |
| (...cont from newsletter). Research shows that faith plays a critical role in preventing substance abuse and other risky behaviors. The study found that adolescents who viewed religion as a meaningful part of their life and as a way to cope with problems were half as likely to use marijuana than adolescents who didn't view religion as important.
all other illicit drugs combined. Research shows that marijuana can lead to a host of health, social, learning and behavioral problems at a crucial time in young lives when bodies and brains are still developing. Marijuana can be addictive and more kids are in drug treatment for marijuana than for all other illicit drugs combined. Teens using marijuana are also more likely to take risks, such as having sex, engaging in violence, riding with someone who's driving high or using alcohol or other drugs. To learn more about preventing youth marijuana and other illicit drug use, log on to WWW.TheAntiDrug. com/Faith web site. |
Communication skills for Parents...
Tip #2 Let your kids know you're listening. When your children are talking to you about their concerns, stop whatever you're doing and listen.
Use those active listening skills we learned earlier in this newsletter. Express interest in what they are saying without being intrusive. Listen to
their point of view. You don't have to disagree, but just listen. Let them complete their points before you respond. Don't interrupt. Repeat what
you heard them say to ensure that you understood them correctly!
Tip #3 Respond in a way that your children will hear. Soften strong reactions; kids will tune you out if you appear angry or defensive. And don't
push their button by lecturing them. They stop listening after the first sentence or two anyway. And don't be a broken record or tell them about
when you were young. Focus on your child's feeling rather than your own during your conversation. Resist arguing about who is right. Instead
say, "I know you disagree with me, but this is what I think." Also review what the two of you do agree on. This can be built upon rather than only
looking at the differences!
Tip #4 REMEMBER....
Tip #5 Parenting is Hard Work! Listening and talking is the key to a healthy connection between you and your children. But parenting is hard
work and maintaining a good connection with teens can be challenging, especially since parents are dealing with many other pressures. If you
are having problems over an extended period of time, you might wish to give us a call. We frequently have special parenting classes for parents
of difficult teens and children. Specific brief counseling for yourself or parenting coaching (even Michael Jordan had a coach) may be very
helpful to get through difficult times.
Tip #2 Let your kids know you're listening. When your children are talking to you about their concerns, stop whatever you're doing and listen.
Use those active listening skills we learned earlier in this newsletter. Express interest in what they are saying without being intrusive. Listen to
their point of view. You don't have to disagree, but just listen. Let them complete their points before you respond. Don't interrupt. Repeat what
you heard them say to ensure that you understood them correctly!
Tip #3 Respond in a way that your children will hear. Soften strong reactions; kids will tune you out if you appear angry or defensive. And don't
push their button by lecturing them. They stop listening after the first sentence or two anyway. And don't be a broken record or tell them about
when you were young. Focus on your child's feeling rather than your own during your conversation. Resist arguing about who is right. Instead
say, "I know you disagree with me, but this is what I think." Also review what the two of you do agree on. This can be built upon rather than only
looking at the differences!
Tip #4 REMEMBER....
- Ask your children what they may want or need from you in a conversation, such as counsel, simply listening, help in dealing with their
feelings, or help solving a problem. - Kids learn by imitating. Most often, they will follow your lead in how they deal with anger, solve problems, and work through difficult
feelings. They also watch to see how you cope with stress. - Talk to your children --don't lecture, criticize, threaten, or say hurtful things!
- Kids learn from their own choices. As long as the consequences are not dangerous, don't feel you have to step in.
- Realize your children may test you by telling you a small part of what is bothering them. Listen carefully to what theysay, encourage them
to talk, and they may share the rest of the story.
Tip #5 Parenting is Hard Work! Listening and talking is the key to a healthy connection between you and your children. But parenting is hard
work and maintaining a good connection with teens can be challenging, especially since parents are dealing with many other pressures. If you
are having problems over an extended period of time, you might wish to give us a call. We frequently have special parenting classes for parents
of difficult teens and children. Specific brief counseling for yourself or parenting coaching (even Michael Jordan had a coach) may be very
helpful to get through difficult times.
